


Conversations

by meetmebackat221bbakerstreet



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Honesty this is mostly dialouge, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-24
Updated: 2016-08-24
Packaged: 2018-08-10 18:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7855357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet/pseuds/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That was the truth of it though, Jim would follow Spock anywhere he wanted to go. Across galaxies and through unstable nebulas to a place where they can eventually call home.</p>
<p>After Jim's birthday party, he has two of the most important conversations in his life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations

The party finally started to die down, with Scotty and Jaylah being the last to leave. Scotty was determined to drink her under the table but did not succeed since he was slurring all of this words and leaning against her as they walked out of the room.

“One more round! I cannae take it!” slurred Scotty, who clearly was another round away from alcohol poisoning. Jaylah gave the pretense that she was annoyed but Jim could see past that and saw fondness. She gave a wave to Jim and rolled her eyes as she practically carried Scotty out, “I’ll make sure he gets home safe. Happy birthday, James T.”

“Thanks, Jaylah, make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.” he replied and she made a look that clearly meant she wasn’t making any promises. Jim couldn’t blame her, Scotty was a clumsy drunk.

Kirk normally wasn’t once to celebrate his birth, considering it was also the death of his father but after the past week, he couldn’t think of anything he would rather do than be with his crew. Knowing he could have lost him made his gut lurch.

He sat at the table which faced the window that showed the rebuilding of the Enterprise. Sparks were flying and he could hear the vague shouts of the builders and engineers working to make the most advanced ship the fleet has ever seen. And it was going to be all his. With him and Spock, they would travel the galaxy and beyond.

Something had shifted in their friendship the past week and he knew that Spock would have noticed too, being as obnoxiously observant as he is. Being apart from one another made it clear that they needed each other and they functioned better when they were working together. Jim’s ever growing feelings were neither here nor there. He knew that Spock and Uhura were getting back together so he knew he would have to set those feelings aside, no matter how much it pained him.

Jim, however, could not deny the longing he had for his First Officer that had steadily been growing. Being on the ship for so long, he did not realize what it was like being apart from him. After their separation when the Enterprise got destroyed, he realized the missing piece that he felt: Spock. He was not there to get Jim out this one, like he normally is.

Thinking back before the incident, when Spock said he needed to discuss something with him in the turbo lift, his heart immediately did a barrel roll. Jim wasn’t as thick as he made himself out to be, he knew that Spock was going to talk to him about being on the Enterprise. He knew Spock well enough to know when something was really wrong, even if he was good at hiding it.

Jim took the last sip of his drink and decided he was thoroughly buzzed and that he was going to be responsible for once in his life and cut himself off. And definitely not because he could hear his First Officer approaching him from behind and he really didn’t want a repeat of the Christmas party last year when Spock saw him as hammered as he had ever been.

“Captain.” said Spock, his hands resting behind his back. Jim pointed to the chair across from him and Spock bowed his head slightly and took a seat. They sat in silence for a few moments, both looking at the construction of the new Enterprise.

“I’m excited to see what she’s going to look like after they’re done.” said Jim, glancing over at Spock.

“Indeed. I presume the Enterprise will continue to be the most advances spaceship.” replied Spock.

“Was there anything I could do for you, Mr. Spock?” inquired Jim. He has assumed Spock would be off somewhere with Uhura, wooing her or whatever Vulcans did. Jim could feel Spock’s hesitancy in answering but let him mull through what he needed to say.

“Captain. I thought it would be best I share to you what I wished to discuss in the turbo lift.” replied Spock after a few moments.

“Yeah, you wanted to leave the Enterprise.” said Jim, letting out a dry chuckle.

Spock raised both of his eyebrows, what Jim could only think was his version of surprised, “Captain, I assure you, during the time I was emotionally compromised and I…”

“Spock,” Jim interrupted, putting up a hand to stop him, “You really do not have to explain yourself. I understand. Ambassador Spock was a great guy, you wanted to do what he did in his lifetime. I get that you felt confused about what you wanted to do. Everyone does sometimes.”

Spock stared at Jim like he had grown another head, “As always, Captain, you never cease to impress me with your observation skills.”

Jim threw his head back and rested his hand on his stomach and gave out a big belly laugh, “Spock, I’m not stupid. I knew something was wrong when you asked to talk to you, like really fucking wrong. Once I found out about Ambassador Spock’s death, I just put two and two together. Besides, we haven’t been apart for two years, I think I can start to pick up your thought process and stuff over that amount of time.”

“I never thought you were stupid, Captain, merely easily distracted at times.” replied Spock, with a hint of amusement in his voice. Jim beamed and bumped Spock’s shoulder with his fist.

“I can’t argue with you there.” laughed Jim, “What made you decide to stay? I am a little curious. I thought that maybe you might go through with it.”

“As did I. I could not help think about the things I should be doing instead of gallivanting off into space. Not when my species needed my help. I acquired some of Ambassador Spock’s belongings after he passed. One was a photograph of him and the Enterprise Crew in his world.” said Spock, his mouth twitching upwards at the memory.

“That picture convinced you to stay?” asked Jim.

Spock turned to Jim, “It did. His crew were like his family, I have come to realize. Much like our own, Jim.”

Jim’s heart skipped a beat when Spock said his name, which he only does in private or when they’re having a heart to heart. (Though Spock would never call it that.)

“I would have understood why if you left, but I’m not going to lie Spock, I’m happy that you decided to stay.” said Jim, “The Enterprise needs you. I… think I need you too.” Jim looked down at his hands and played with his empty glass that he now wished was filled.

“Jim.” They way Spock said his name was so gentle that it actually made his head snap up and look at Spock, “This is home.” Spock looked to the Enterprise and back at him.

Jim ran his hand through his hair and took a deep breath, “Yeah. It is. I guess it helps that having your girlfriend here also helps.”

Spock cocked his head to the side, “Jim, Lieutenant Uhura and I are not together.”

“What?” exclaimed Jim, “But she still has that necklace, tracking device thing you gave her! I thought you two were on amends or something?” Jim’s mind started racing, mostly ways to figure out how to woo his First Officer and then riding the Enterprise into the night sky and living happily ever after.

“I gave that to Nyota to show my gratitude when we were still in a relationship. I would not ask her to give it up. Besides, it has been proven to be useful.” said Spock.

“I mean… yeah. Yes. It has. Alright. Well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out, Spock. I know how much you cared for her.” said Jim, mustering up all the sympathy he could.

“Jim, I do not mean to insult your intelligence but if what you say is true about you knowing how I think from spending time together, then I too, know a lot about you as well.” said Spock, a playful tone in his voice which Jim is one of the only people to have ever heard. Jim was both amused and slightly worried,

“And your conclusion. Mr. Spock?”

“You can lie in the face of an enemy but when you are with a friend, you cannot lie to save your life.” stated Spock, who was more than definitely wearing a smirk.

“What are you talking about, Spock?” asked Jim, his heart slowly picking up speed.

“You are not disappointed by mine and Nyota’s separation.” said Spock.

Jim blinked at him once and he thought back to the time when he ran his step dad’s car off the cliff. He thought back to the time when he had to survive a mass genocide. Nero’s vengeance and Khan’s twisted justifiable anger towards the Federation. All of those events did not prepare him for Spock to call him out like that. Spock is usually resigned and does not push matters unless they directly affect the crew and the ship.

“Well… Couples on board, you know, that tends to get awkward if there is fighting involved and the whole thing just gets messy. I’m sorry it didn’t work out between you two but it saves me that awkwardness since I’m both of your guys’ friend and Captain and it puts me in a weird position but that’s not to say I am happy that you guys are in any type of pain…” Jim was rambling and he knew it, he could tell by Spock’s slightly amused face, “Anyways, thanks for coming Spock, it was nice to get everyone together.” Jim stood up and Spock was going to protest but finally just nodded his head at him, his face closing off any type of emotion. Jim smiled meekly at him and patted his shoulder and walked away, leaving his First Officer lost in thought.

Jim did plan on going back to his room to get some paperwork done but honestly, he knew he wouldn’t be able to concentrate so instead he decided to take a walk around Yorktown and explore it since the last time he did, he was thousands of meters up in the air trying to save it.

The admiration for his First Officer was always there and everyone knew it, he had never tried to hide it. The reason for that is that it was obvious that it went both ways. Spock did come to trust his advice that’s purely on instinct and even apply it to some of the missions they did. Likewise, Jim learned about logic and doing things for the many and not the one. Though he still has a hard time with that one, he understands why Spock was willing to give his life for an entire species on that volcano.

After the incident with Khan, there was a stronger bond between the two and both of them knew it but never acknowledged it. It started out with them playing chess more often than usual and soon it became to where they always knew each other's whereabouts. Not to say they didn’t have their privacy, but if someone needed to find Spock, they asked Jim and vice versa. It was an unspoken agreement that put both the Captain and First Officer at ease.

They grew to learn each other’s routine and whenever one of them broke it, they informed the other. Bones said they were like an old married couple. Jim would just chuckle and Spock would rise an eyebrow but say nothing. Jim supposed he didn’t need to explain what others didn’t understand and he thought Spock would agree.

The five year mission took a toll on everyone on the ship. Relationships got messy and they all craved a break from each other, no matter how much everyone respected and cared for one another. He didn’t speak to Spock about it but Jim knew that he could tell. He would come in his room sometimes and just sit down and play chess with him for over an hour until Jim couldn’t think anymore. Spock would always ask if there was something he wished to tell him and Jim would look over and see genuine concern written on the Vulcan’s face.

That was when Jim knew he was fucked. The emotion that Spock openly displayed in front of him and to hardly anyone else, he felt special. Instead of telling Spock the truth, that he was being worn out because of the same old routine, that he didn’t know if he was doing this for himself or for his father or that he may be falling for someone on his crew, he would tell him half truths. That he was stressed or just a little tired. And every time, Spock never pressed the matter, just nodded and continued the game in front of them.

Jim was walking through an almost empty city square when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Out of reflex, he turned around quickly to defend himself but saw Uhura standing there in front of him, “Oh. Sorry. Still a little on edge I guess.”

“Understandable.” she replied, smirking, “Did you enjoy the party?”

“It was great, thank you.” said Jim, genuinely, knowing that even though they haven’t always gotten along, Uhura was a kick-ass woman and even better Starfleet Officer.

Uhura fell into stride alongside Jim, “You’re welcome. I’m sorry I left a little early.”

To be honest, Jim hadn't really noticed that much with all the people there, “Don’t worry about it. Spock talked to me about you guys so it must have been awkward.”

“No…” she started, “Well, a little, yes.” They both laughed.

“I’m sorry about you two, by the way, I know how much you guys wanted it to work.” stated Jim. Even though he was just a little happy about them not being together, he still felt bad.

“Maybe that is why it didn’t work, because we wanted it to so badly. It was always rough for us, Jim, being together. First he was my teacher and then superior officer. And then we weren’t compatible in the way that counts to him, even though he tried to tell me it didn’t matter, we both knew it did. The universe was against us from the start.” she said, kicking a stone along the pathway.

“Do you regret it though?” asked Jim.

“No, I don’t. I enjoyed my time with him and I know with him, me. But it got too hard and complicated and I could tell his heart nor his mind was very much in it.” she replied.

They came to a lake that was surrounded by trees and that had a bench facing the water. Jim gestured to it with his hand and Uhura rolled her eyes but sat down anyways. Jim smiled and followed her and watched at the trees swayed due to the artificial weather. He heard the lapping of the water and the smell of fresh air that was also artificial.

“I always thought Spock was crazy for you.” stated Jim.

“I think he wanted to be because he saw no logical reason why he shouldn’t. We are both intelligent and found each other mutually attractive but that isn’t enough. Certainly not to a Vulcan.” she sighed and rubbed her hands together.

“Why does that matter?” asked Jim, turning to look at her.

“Spock may be half human but his Vulcan part of him is very strong. Especially his telepathy and the way he uses his mind. Spock and I tried to mind meld and form a bond but it wasn’t strong enough. It was a bond that friends usually have. We should have stopped there but Spock was determined to not let that rule our relationship.” said Uhura.

“That’s… Very not like Spock. When he doesn’t see something working out, logically, he ends it. Right?” asked Jim, more to himself than to Uhura. He knows Spock and when he knows something is off or isn’t right, he doesn’t shy away from saying so.

“You are. But I think Spock was trying to hide something from himself and me included.” she took a deep breath, “I think he wanted it to work so he could hide whoever he really thought was compatible for him.”

“Woah, wait, you think he was cheating on you?” asked Jim, not even believing it for a second.

Uhura choked out a bitter laugh, “No, I think he was trying desperately hard not to. I was doing the same thing he was: ignoring the obvious. I knew, even then, it wouldn’t work, as did he, but we were too afraid to find out what that meant.”

“So… You think he likes someone else?” asked Jim, getting more confused by the minute.

“Jim, I think he was in love with someone else.” stated Uhura, looking him dead in the eye. “I think he has always been in love with this person, long before he knew it. He knew he bonded with this person and that his mind was more compatible with his own. I think I knew it, too.”

Jim tried going through the whole crew of his ship in his mind. Pulling up files in his head and quickly dismissing one after another. Spock got along with everyone because he is polite and a diplomat. But he does not go out of his way for many people. He would die for anyone on that ship but he would not hangout with anyone by choice. He thought of his bridge crew and his chief medical officer. Bones would be a definite no. Not Sulu because they have nothing in common. Chekov would have been a strong contender if he wasn’t a kid. Uhura watched him closely as he went through all these people in his head and then Jim was left with only himself.

His eyes widened as he looked at her, “No. That… That’s not true.”

“Jim, you two are practically conjoined at the hip. You guys spend a lot of your free time together and you two knew exactly where each other was on the ship at any given moment. Spock wasn’t even like that with me.” she said, sighing longingly, “I was angry for a while. But I know you, Jim, and I know you’ve been carrying this secret with you and you were never going to act on it. I know you love him.”

Jim flushed and looked away from Uhura, speechless because he has never said it out loud himself and certainly he has never heard it said by anyone else. He felt her hand touch his leg and he looked up at her, “I am not mad. I’m a big girl, Jim, I can handle it. Sometimes things don’t work out between people. I enjoyed my time with Spock but we both knew it was going to end at some point even though we tried to deny it. We were foolish but we were only human at the time.”

“I’m sorry, Uhura, truly.” he said, not wanting to be the cause of his friends pain.

“I know you are but there is no reason to be. The only way I’d be upset is if you didn’t try to seek a relationship with him.” she said, smiling.

Jim sputtered, “Uhura, I appreciate your vote of confidence but Spock is Spock and I’m me and I don’t think he feels the same way back.”

Uhara then hit him on the side of the head and he quickly grabbed the spot in pain, “Ow! What the hell?!”

“Where you not listening to anything I said? I just said the reason why it didn’t work out it because he was in love with someone else. That’s you, genius.” said Uhara, practically yelling at him.

“Okay, okay. Just don’t hit me again, that hurt,” pouted Jim, “I don’t even know how to go about it. Spock is really intimidating sometimes.”

“He is,” Uhura nodded, “But he is a person, Jim. He feels things, sometimes more intensely than we do. I think if you’re honest with him, it will be fine.” Uhura stood to get up and Jim followed, “Good luck, and go get ‘em tiger.”

Jim quickly scooped Uhura up in his arms and hugged her tightly, “I know this isn’t easy for you, so thank you. For being a great friend.”

Uhura was caught of gaurd for a second, but reciprocated the hug, “Of course, Jim. Don’t fuck it up.” She pulled back and winked and left him to stand there across the lake.

He thought maybe he should feel more nervous about telling Spock, but it felt like it was something he had to do. That must be done, no matter what happens after. He sat back down and watched the light start to fade over the city buildings and reflect on the lake. It looked beautiful here. Looking towards the sky, though, that was his home. And home was also beside his crew and most importantly, Spock.

As if right on cue, his comm binged and he reached into his pocket to grab it.

“Kirk here.” he answered.

“Captain. You were not in your room.” replied Spock. Jim was only a little happy to find that Spock was looking for him, just a little.

“Ah, sorry Spock. I went out to go for a walk and ran into Uhura and we talked for a bit. I’m by a lake. It’s really nice here. I’ll send you the coordinates." said Jim.

“... Very well. I shall be there shortly.”

The line cut off and Jim beamed to himself. Right now, he had not felt more light than he had in years. Even though what he was about to do may change the course, he thought it was better to take the leap than to always wonder. He waited for Spock for about five minutes and the lights dimmed lower. He could hear Spock approach him from behind but he didn’t bother to turn around. He let Spock sit beside him. They were silent for a moment, taking in the landscape.

“It is rather pleasing to look at.” said Spock, breaking the silence. Jim hummed in agreement and looked over at Spock, who was already looking at him. Jim smiled and he could visibly see Spock’s eyes grow fondness in them. Jim wondered how he hadn't noticed before.

“I was pleased at yours and Uhura’s separation.” stated Jim. Spock raised his eyebrow and that prompted Jim to continue, “When Uhura and I were talking, she told me why it didn’t work out with you two. Your connection not being strong enough and you guys’ will to hang on to something that wasn’t there.”

Spock nodded, “That is correct. We were not compatible in the way we wished.”

“But you were with someone else.” stated Jim, his heart race increasing, “I always thought I was lucky when it came to you, Spock. You wanted to hangout with me, of all people on that ship. Sure, you’re my First Officer but that didn’t mean you had to hangout with me during our free time. We didn’t have to know where we were at all times. We just… were, Spock. It was easy and confusing all at the same time.”

“I would like to express my gratitude of you spending time with me. It was pleasant having someone who matched my abilities in chess.” said Spock.

Jim smiled at him, “Exactly. But even when we disagreed on something, Spock, it was like we were in each other's heads. We knew what we would do or say. Have you ever noticed that?”

Spock’s hands twitched in his lap, “I did. Our minds are not far off from each other, Jim.”

“Would you say we were compatible?” pressed Jim.

Jim’s eyes met Spock’s as he waited his answer, “Yes, Jim, I do believe we are.”

Jim let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, all the confirmation he needed, “Of course I was upset for the both of you about the break up because you guys are my friends and I don’t like to see my friends sad. But I was happy because I didn’t have to see you actually be with her cause it tore me up inside. It has been for almost three years, Spock. Without even me knowing or understanding what I was feeling.”

“What would that be?” asked Spock, who searched his eyes. Jim could see a mixture of anxiousness and glee wrapped up in one.

“A connection with someone I never had with anyone. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was falling in love with you, Spock. I thought that maybe I just felt like we were becoming best friends but I have a best friend, Bones, and what I feel for him is different than you.” replied Jim, looking away from Spock, slight blush on his face.

There was a few moments of silence and Jim began to panic because what if he had it all wrong? What if the connection Spock had with him was purely a friendship thing and it was all one sided? What if Uhura read Spock wrong? Then Jim felt a hand rest on his arm, “Calm, Jim. I am just trying to find the right words to… Express my feelings towards you. I am not very good at it, but I can tell you that I do too, feel the same way.”

Jim turned his head quickly to face Spock, “Really?”

“Yes, Jim,” replied Spock, eyes full of warmth, which was extremely rare for the Vulcan but for Jim, “It was a feeling I often fought against only out of respect for Nyota. I did not want to betray her but the more close we got on the Enterprise, the more I found myself having feelings for you that I could not feel for her. To me, it was logical Nyota and I were together. We were both logical and enjoyed most of the same things. However, when it came to you, James T. Kirk, it at first was a mystery why I felt so strongly for you.”

“It wasn’t my charming ways and devilishly good looks?” joked Jim, beaming up at Spock with a toothy grin.

Spock almost rolled his eyes but took the bait. “While those are certainly a factor, it was not clear to me at first why I felt the way I did. We oppose each other on numerous accounts. I find the logical way best and you rely mostly on instinct. I thought that was a weakness but it was actually our strength to our relationship both as friends and crew. We lack something and the other makes up for it. I learned that sometimes the logical way isn’t the best way.”

“And I learned that sometimes, logic is the way to go. And you also keep me from doing really stupid things.” said Jim.

“Jim, you do those stupid things even when I tell you not to. I just have to save you every time.” countered Spock, raising an eyebrow.

Jim laughed, “That’s very true.” Spock’s hand still rested on Jim’s arm when he looked down. Spock’s hand was pale against the black leather jacket he had on. He could feel the radiated heat that Spock was giving out. Jim hesitated and raised his arm so he could lay his hand over Spock’s. Jim glanced at Spock before to get permission. Spock’s eyes immediately softened at the request, noting that Jim remembered that Vulcan’s hands are sensitive.

Jim flashed him a smile and laid his hand on Spock’s, “Where does this leave us, Commander?”

“I would very much like us to be in a relationship, Jim, if you want the same.” replied Spock, his voice hopeful.

“Of course I do. I never wanted anything more in my entire life.” he found himself saying without thought. That was the truth of it though, Jim would follow Spock anywhere he wanted to go. Across galaxies and through unstable nebulas to a place where they can eventually call home.

They locked eyes and Jim could not say who made the first move but next thing he knew, both were leaning forward and kissing like their lives depended on it. Spock’s hand rested on Jim’s neck but Jim was too busy trying to sort out the images that were flying through his mind. Flashes of a tiny Vulcan begun to appear. The Vulcan getting beat up by others. The Vulcan then sitting alone. And then Jim realized that it wasn’t just a Vulcan, it was Spock. Jim then felt a flood of emotions: anger, regret, jealousy, remorse, sadness, and love. Love that was directed right at Jim.

All Jim knew was that he needed to show Spock he loved him and since his mouth was currently busy, he tried to do it the same way. He projected thoughts of love and understanding and comfort towards him.

“ _Thank you, Jim._ ” he heard Spock say, but in his mind.

That made Jim pull away from Spock, “Woah,” he said, breathing deeply from the kiss, “What was that?”

“That,” said Spock, regaining his breath as well, “was taking down my mental shields and letting you in, Jim.”

“Did you see stuff like that for me, too?” asked Jim, he didn’t mind that Spock would see, there was nothing he wouldn’t tell Spock at this point.

“I saw many things. I think some of it you shielded off without being conscious of it. However, I felt the feelings you were projecting at me. Thoughts work the same as well, I can project them to you without needing to speak.” said Spock.

“That is so cool. So are we bonded now?” he bounced his head up and down like an excited puppy.

“It is the beginning of a bond that is not fully developed. We will work on it, if that is what you wish. When the bond is complete, we will be able to feel what each other feels and project thoughts from greater distances. If you wish to do so.” replied Spock, looking at Jim with hopeful eyes.

“Awesome. So instead of me always having to comm you, I can just project to you when I need you?” asked Jim, beaming.

“Yes, Jim, we will be able to do that.” replied Spock, “But I know you, if you try to project inappropriate thoughts during a meetings, I will remind you that I am stronger than you, Captain.”

Jim’s stomach flipped, “Is that a threat, Commander?”

Spock grabbed the back of Jim’s neck and pulled him forward, “It is.”

“Then I will project the most inappropriate thoughts all the time so-” Jim wasn’t able to finish that thought because Spock’s mouth shut him up. Jim definitely wasn’t going to complain. Instead, he and Spock spent hours on the bench, stealing kisses and each other’s memories. They looked at the stars and planets and counted the days until they were back on the Enterprise with their family, exploring new worlds and sharing it together.

**Author's Note:**

> holla


End file.
